Chapter One of The Resilient Heart: Yuna's Story
by nawazarrio
Summary: After defeating Sin, Yuna finds herself at a crossroads. Tidus is gone. Her friends are all moving on with their lives. Spira is suddenly new and unfamiliar. As a summoner, she never made plans for after her encounter with Sin. Now she finds that if her story is going to continue, she must write it herself. (This is an AU where Tidus will NOT come back. Eventual Brother/Yuna.)


The wind stung her cheeks as it zipped past her and down the mountain. Yuna watched the snowflakes, so small they looked like grains of white sand, as they blustered across Gagazet. They raced and danced off to who knew where. Bitterly, her heart yearned to join them.

' _Are you out there, somewhere? If I could just hop on a snowflake would it take me to where you are?'_

She put her fingers in her mouth and blew, a shrill whistle cut across the mountains and echoed off into the distance. Each reverberation allotted her a brief, if foolish, daydream of him whistling back to her. But it wasn't him. Tidus was gone.

The defeat of Sin was supposed to make everything better, or so she'd once thought. The people of Spira had always longed for their redemption, a prayer left unanswered for a thousand years. But now that it was over, Yuna found she didn't know what to do with herself.

Everything was too new. Too fresh. Too quiet. Like the blanket of snow around her, its perfection was only skin deep. The ugly truth- a millennium of lives lost to Sin- laid just beneath the thin cover. If Spira moved on, the illusion would be marred and the awful reality would peek through. And so Spira, like Yuna, held its breath and waited. Time had stopped. The people called it the Eternal Calm. She called it damnation.

' _I've outlived my purpose, I think. What am I supposed to do now? Spira doesn't need summoners any more. And I can't lead a normal life without you.'_

She wiped away a tear before it could freeze to her cheek. The sun was high now, she should go back to the base and see what help she might offer today.

Kimahri had told her, when she left Besaid with him, that she didn't need to work. Ronso problems are for the Ronso alone. But she found she couldn't be idle. The less she did, the more she thought, and her thoughts lately did nothing but bring her grief. All around her, people were putting their lives back together, but she just didn't have the heart for it yet.

As she made her way down the path, she caught a glimpse of movement from the corner of her eye. Small and dark, she knew who it was even without looking. She couldn't even force a smile as she called out. "Is that Lian? Or Ayde?"

For a moment nothing happened, but eventually the sound of padded feet on the snow alerted her to turn around. Behind her stood Ayde, one of the last Ronso children left. So that meant… Lian crept out from his hiding spot, near where she'd glimpsed him.

Only twelve years old, the twins were already closing in on Yuna's height, and their horns were beginning to show too. Soon they would tower over her, as all of the feline warriors did. Her heart twisted, knowing why they were here. "How were they today?"

The twins crept together and leaned each against the other for support. Their grief was still as fresh as Yuna's.

"At peace," Ayde snuffled. "Brave Ronso sleep forever. Have earned eternal rest."

Lian wiped his eyes. "Lian and Ayde must be brave Ronso too. One day Lian and Ayde go to Farplane. See them again."

Yuna knelt before them. The boys were so tall and strong already that it was easy for her to forget how young they still were. They were children, mourning their parents. The tribe watched over them now, but nothing could replace what they had lost. Putting a hand on either of their shoulders, she did her best to soothe them. "They would be so proud of you both. Kimahri told me how much they loved you. You were their pride."

The boys stood straight, both teary eyed and unsure. They didn't offer any more words, but that was common for them. The boys needed to be alone with their grief for now. They'd go and stand guard at the graves a little longer, as they did every day. Sensing her time with them was up, Yuna stood and left.

Not everything was despair and darkness, she had to remind herself. There were good things happening across Spira as well. Yes, people were mourning their dead, but others were moving on. Why, even back in Besaid, life kept moving. Lulu and Wakka were falling in love. Yuna had been able to see it firsthand before she'd left to come with Kimahri… In fact, their their new love may have played a part in her decision. She was happy for them but that didn't take away the sting. Seeing their blooming romance served as a bitter reminder of what Yuna no longer had. She didn't begrudge them their new start, but she couldn't stay and risk them finding out her true feelings. She would not be a reason for them to rethink their love.

It was all for the better anyway. The Ronso had been badly shaken by the deaths of so many of their kin. Their homes needed rebuilding as well. Despite her somber existence, she was sure she'd made the right decision. Helping others was still what soothed her most.

"Yuna have heavy thoughts."

She jumped back a step. "Kimahri! I'm sorry, I didn't see you."

He stood head and shoulders taller than her, even in his most relaxed state. The points of his ears were pricked forward, listening intently to her. Had she not known him, his intense interest would have been frightening. But Kimahri was a gentle giant, with arms folded across his chest, he pressed her firmly but never applied more pressure than she could handle. "Kimahri worry for Yuna. Many trips up mountain have still revealed no answers."

Yuna came to him, arms wide and bottom lip trembling, despite her resolve. He accepted her and she buried her face against his dark fur. "I just need to be alone sometimes. I'm sorry for worrying you."

Kimahri's strong hand cradled the back of her head gently. "Yuna may be alone too much. Maybe her answers are not on mountain."

"Nothing's that easy, is it?" She wiped her treacherous eyes and stepped back from his embrace. If sacred Mount Gagazet could offer her no answers and no peace, then why travel it so often? She didn't have the heart to tell him that she didn't look for answers up there. She looked only for solitude. But if she told him that then he'd worry more.

With unfathomable tenderness, he put one of his giant arms around her shoulders and walked with her toward the Ronso village. "Many things are not easy. Most good things. Good things are worth hard work."

Yuna wished she could agree but for now she was still broken. As they closed in on the village, more Ronso became visible. Some cleaned rubble still, while others were helping to build. Everyone they walked by stopped for a moment to watch them pass. At first she took no note of it, Kimahri was their elder now, the Ronso showed him respect, but the further they went, the more sure she was that they were watching her.

A nagging apprehension overtook her. "Kimahri, is something wrong?"

"Not wrong," his hand tightened in her shoulder as if to reassure her. "Yuna have guest."

A guest? Who?! And why did it alarm her so? Her mind raced to Lulu and Wakka. They hadn't come to bring her back to Besaid, had they? She didn't know that she could force herself to go, not even for them. She wasn't even sure she could smile. The longer she spent not being 'Lady Yuna, the High Summoner' the harder it became to pretend to be something she wasn't. Her fake smile was out of practice, and she hadn't laughed since she couldn't remember when. Her heart hammered. They weren't going to force her to hide behind her mask again, were they?

At the base of the mountain, only a small handful of Ronso were present. Yuna held her breath, desperately looking for Lulu and Wakka. She startled when instead she saw one of the Al Bhed snow runners- the machina used to race through the mountain passes. Had Wakka actually driven that here?

"Yunie!"

She didn't have to turn and look. Yuna knew Rikku's voice anywhere.

"There you are! I've been looking all over for you." Rikku bound toward her, almost leaping into an embrace.

Yuna hugged her cousin because it was deplorable not to. Rikku had no way of knowing that human touch was still too much. Yuna even tried to smile but she could tell Rikku wasn't entirely convinced.

Backing away, her own smile faltering just a little, Rikku regrouped. In her fur lined pantsuit, snow mask, and goggles, she was the perfect picture of her people. Lifting the goggles to her forehead, her green eyes sparkled, even if they were a little wet. Her voice was lower and shook just a bit. "It's great to see you again."

"You too." Yuna convinced herself that she meant it. She _did_ mean it. Right? Who wouldn't be happy to see their dear friend after having been apart for so long? Her stomach churned.

Rikku floundered. Her mouth opened but nothing came out. Yuna wanted to say something, anything to fill the awful silence, but nothing she could think of seemed worthwhile. Rikku, apparently, suffered the same.

Thankfully, Kimahri rescued them both. "Rikku have long journey. Come rest by fire. Tell Kimahri and Yuna much about travels."

Yuna could breathe again. Rikku blinked her tears away and nodded, almost as enthusiastically as was normal for her. "Okay."

Yuna thought to offer her hand or a further greeting as they made for one of the makeshift huts, but still, nothing seemed appropriate. She should ask Rikku about what was going on in her life. How was Cid? Brother? All of the Al Bhed? Or how had her travels gone? But none of that felt important enough to even put into words. How could Yuna ask about weather and travel conditions when her heart still tore and begged to ask important things? Have there been any sightings of Sin? Are we safe? Have you seen… anything of Tidus? Is he really gone? Is life even worth chasing at this point?


End file.
